Deep Breaths- A Personal Post

[ UPDATE Read about my biopsy HERE & HERE… ]

Sometimes it’s hard to know the line between private life, and what you should share online for the whole world to see. I always have aimed for my blog to be a happy place, but life has hard moments, and I want to be transparent that my world isn’t always just happy & positive.

Over the past 5 months or so I’m sure that those of you who follow me here on my blog, or Instagram account have probably noticed that something was off about me. Then I announced that are expecting, and everyone was like “Oh that’s why she’s been absent from social media, only to post the occasional emotional outbursts.” Haha. But really, while it’s partially because of morning sickness… there has been something else going on too.

For the past couple years I’ve had issues taking deep breaths. It sounds funny writing that. Literally every other breath would feel incomplete. I always just wrote it off as stress, and the result of staying up too late at night to work on blog content. My Dr.’s did asthma tests, but they came back fine. I changed some life habits, took a step back from some things, and hoped I would feel better. Fast forward a year or so to the start of this pregnancy, nothing had really changed, so I decided to go to an ENT specialist, and to my shock they actually found something in my throat. I didn’t expect them to actually find anything, I thought it was all in my head. It came as a complete shock to me. My ENT Dr. said that it could be the scary “c” word, but they would have to biopsy. I walked out of that appointment sobbing. I couldn’t hold it in.

I had literally just started my pregnancy. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to me. Why had my normal doctor waited so long to get me to see a specialist? I started sinking emotionally.

Lots of scary things were said to me… like, you may need to terminate your pregnancy to get treatment. The nurses really were pressing for me to get a biopsy as soon as possible. So I was really freaking out. We obviously wouldn’t have tried for another baby if we had know this was even a remote possibility. But I wanted this baby, no matter the cost. That was a non-negotiable for me.

I had many of sleepless nights, and I definitely cried a lot. I got really depressed, because honestly, my life is beautiful. I want to live it and be there for my wonderful husband and kids for as long as I can.

After a lot of back and forth with the anesthesiologists at the surgery center, they decided they didn’t want to go forward with any biopsy surgery until after the baby was born, as there could be complications to his health & development. I was so torn- I wanted this gone. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. But I wanted my baby to be healthy. So the waiting game started.

Fast forward to today, I am at peace waiting for any biopsies. God put it on my heart to share with you all that He is the Master Physician. I am declaring healing in my life. Several specific words have been planted in my heart during this time:

– I am not supposed to worry about ANYTHING (yes, cancer and sickness fall under “anything”)

– And I will search for my enemies (sickness), but will not find them.

The doctors may have seen scary things, but I am choosing to sow hope, life and healing in my life. My kids need me to be fully present in their lives, and I can’t let the “what if'” destroy or consume my life.

If you think about it, please pray for me & my sweet family as I continue the second half of my pregnancy. I am due in early November. Pray that we would be fearless. Declare with me that when after the baby is born, and the doctors go to look, that they would not find anything.

My heart and trust is in the Lord, and I am not ashamed to give Him all the glory.

I don’t know if I should have shared all this- because literally anyone in the world can now know my deepest struggles. I don’t want people to look at me differently, but I feel like I’m supposed to share this. Who knows, I may change my mind and delete this post. Haha!

If anything, please hug your babies tight for me. Life is a beautiful gift worth valuing & fighting for.

 

These beautiful photos were taken by the talented Jessica Slaunwhite from Aubade Blush.

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  1. shar says:

    Life is beautiful and so are you. Bless you for sharing and may God wrap you in his arms to keep you safe.

  2. Lucy Wynne says:

    Thank you for being both brave enough and open enough to share this information. You can not know who you may touch with your writing and yes it means that everyone one knows now. But that knowledge can only bring you more positive thought, prayers. It does not alter who you are or how you are thought of or loved by those close to you. I wish you well for the remainder of your pregnancy and beyond. In the words of Julian of Norwich “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.”
    Lucy~Caitlyn England

  3. Alice says:

    You are human just like us! You are going through a lot and sometimes it’s good to share and have moral support. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. I’ve went through a lot in my lifetime and understand life can be hard on us at times. Keeping the faith is what held me together and it will always be what keeps us going. Please take care of you and when you feel like sharing a post with us I for one will be here to read them. Huge hugs sent yoyr way/

  4. Jessica says:

    Sending prayers to you and your family while you continue to grow another sweet baby <3

  5. I am so happy you opened up about this struggle. God is awesome, and yes He is the Master Physician. You’ll find, that your burden;s will be tough at times, but remember, don’t worry about anything. God has a plan for you. Prayers for you and your little family.

  6. Monica Taveras says:

    I love reading your blogs, they’re all so beautifully written. You’re so strong, hopefully everything turns out okay! Your children are so lucky for having such a wonderful mom. I’m praying for you and your family so that everything works out for you ❤️❤️

  7. Nicole Dillon says:

    First of all…those images of you ???????????????? STUNNING. Please know that by reaching out to everyone, you have created an amazing support system of people that have grown to appreciate you & your little family. I recently had my second melanoma diagnosis, and understand the feeling and urgency of wanting it gone…in my time of fear & confusion…I simply prayed. I am talk’n on the knees praying. Talk about it with others, do not bottle it up…do not attempt to ignore it, because as I learned….you will break. Just take deep breaths and appreciate each and every single moment in every single day, as they are truly gifts from God. Since my last surgery, I have looked at life differently…..I hold those I love even closer, listen to sounds of nature even more so, and I have learned to just put my faith in God….he knows what he is doing. YOU are strong enough. YOU can do this. I will place you & your family in my prayers, as I know many others will. Keep being you 😉

    • Hannah Hathaway says:

      Thank you for those words. Your experience in this gives me peace. We are more than over-comers, and all sickness needs to leave. Thank you for writing me.

  8. Gwen says:

    May God bless you and your family in all of His ways! May complete healing and restoration be delivered through His grace. May peace be yours as you travel through this brief valley and may awareness of His loving and protective presence comfort you in every darker moment and fill you with His light and then may you emerge victorious! Healed, strong and full of gratitude; an overcomer saved by your Heavenly Father.
    He has plans for you sweet girl… Jeremiah 29:11
    We will keep you in our prayers!

  9. Laura says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. I will certainly be praying for you, your sweet baby and your lovely family. May God’s peace continue to be yours so abundantly.

  10. Laura says:

    I’m praying for you and your sweet family Hannah.
    You are a brave strong young lady… you’ll be ok.
    God is always good and you are always loved
    Sending you big tight hugs right where you’re at this very moment.❤

  11. Julia says:

    God bless you Hannah. I will for sure be praying for you and your family, and for that sweet little one, who is oh so tiny! Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life. You are so loved by our Heavenly Father ….

  12. Sharon says:

    What a beautiful post, so transparent and positive, despite what you are going through. Thanks for your willingness to share all of this, God can receive so much glory from it! I am speaking life with you— for the little one growing inside, for your family — in your whole life. “With God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26. Praying for you and your gorgeous family.

  13. Andrea says:

    Many prayers for you! You are beautiful, and these photos are stunning.

  14. meg says:

    You’re strength is inspiring. Sending love and prayers to you & your family.

  15. Elizabeth booth says:

    This post made me tear up, but only because your faith in the Lord is so evident, praying and believing for your sweet family. Every assignment of the enemy is canceled in Jesus name, standing on those words for YOU right now!!! I love you blog, I can’t help but think every time I see your paintings, just stunned by how talented you are. Our God has placed hat incredible gift inside of you and you are using it for his Glory. Stay strong mama!!! The enemy’s is defeated and every assignment in Jesus name!!! Standing on Gods word with you!

    • Hannah Hathaway says:

      Thank you for saying that. I don’t feel brave all the time, but I know that I can claim those truths, and that gives me strength.

  16. Robin says:

    You’ve shown such courage, grace, sacrifice, selflessness and beauty in an incredibly terrifying time. I am praying you daily.

  17. Alesandra Weekley says:

    You have such a beautiful heart Hannah…. And I am so thankful that you shared. You are the most excellent wife and you smile at the future! (Proverbs 31) I am standing with you in prayer and belief that OUR GOD IS HEALER.

  18. Chris says:

    Hannah,
    Thank you so much for sharing. This way more of God’s people can lift you up! God is the GREAT physician! Declare his truths over you and yours. Fear is not from God. & don’t forget Psalm 23:2.

  19. Rebecca says:

    Hannah, I’m new to your site – I found a DIY for your bedside table and bought some prints for my daughter’s bedroom … and today I revisited your site and saw this post and that it was posted recently! I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling in this way. Please know that this stranger is praying for you. It can be scary to share vulnerable feelings on the internet, but I’m so glad you did. I will be praying for you and your family regularly, Hannah. May the Lord heal your body and give you His peace.

    Love,
    Rebecca xo

  20. Melanie says:

    God bless and keep you Hannah, it is good you shared this, I appreciate it, surely nobody will look at you differently, and those who are fellow Christians will pray for you. It is said that the prayers of the righteous can do much, and all whom are in Christ are righteous by Him…. i shall not forget you in my prayers, may God bless you for your faithful testimony

  21. Holly says:

    You have always inspired me with your projects and posts, but you are even more of an inspiration now. Thank you for sharing…I am standing with you in faith, and I believe that your doctors will find nothing abnormal whatsoever on your test results. I believe no weapons formed against you shall prosper, and I thank God for providing you healing through His Son Jesus. If you were the ONLY person in the world, He still would have done what He did, just for you. A few powerful scriptures:
    Isaiah 53:5
    1 Peter 2:24
    James 5:16
    He knows the intimate workings of our bodies and there is nothing that’s too complicated or hard for Him. You just continue to thank Him for the healing He has ALREADY provided for you, and I will thank Him with you. Be well, my friend! Congratulations on your pregnancy! This will be a testimony you will use to touch so many more lives.

  22. vicki says:

    I am new to your blog but I will send healing thoughts and prayers your way! Wishing all the best!

  23. Kate says:

    Yes, I am praying for you. “My heart and trust is in the Lord, and I am not ashamed to give Him all the glory.” Just beautiful. xoxoxo

  24. Hope says:

    Hi Hannah. I am so sorry to learn of your personal health struggles. I believe that you have done the right thing. I will pray for you and your family.

  25. Christie says:

    You have my prayers. <3

  26. Ally says:

    How brave you are showing your face in this manner! I just came across your website, and it’s easy to see how you pour your heart and soul into life and creating. May you be well, not fret, and enjoy the miracle inside of you growing. With love from NL

  27. Jaecy says:

    Loved hearing your story. It really touched my heart. Praying with and for you. God truly is the master creator and worker in and through all things. He has the best for you.

    I just happened across your blog on pinterest and instantly fell in love with it. I love how you create and care for others. You can definitely see your passions through it all.

    Much Love.

  28. Dawn says:

    Thank you for sharing. I just got word my brain MRI is abnormal and have to wait to repeat the test with contrast. This was inspiring and the timing is definitely right on time.

  29. Karen Tucker says:

    I have just landed lightly upon your world as a new warrior. I stand here ready to pray for you and yours on your behalf to our most amazing Father. He does love us. I have testaments to this that you may one day wish to hear. And when you are ready I shall be proud to share their testimony’s. Until this time, when you are ready, please know that Lillian Grace and Paisley Charlynn and their family members will be lifting you and your baby up to our most loving and gracious Father. Whom with out Him we would not have had either of these precious girls nor one mommy to love, causing a great deal of sadness in this old mamma’s heart. So we will pray, and we know about praying HARD but with humility and love. So my dear sweet girl, if whatever is going on through your life is within my power of prayer, may it be from my lips to His Devine Ears that Jesus hears the sweetest sound of your love for your child, no different that his on Sainted Mother’s love for him. And through this, may your prays be blessed and answered.

  30. Nancy says:

    Thank you for sharing. I’m putting you in my God box and praying for you and your family.

  31. lee irvine says:

    I love your Blog and I’m so sorry that you are going through such a personal struggle. Your photos are gorgeous and so are you. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

  32. Karen says:

    Being new to your blog, I am going thru all your posts you have made. I have the good fortune to learn tht your tiny boy is healthy as are you! You had so many people praying for you and your family. I was happy to learn that you are a Christian and many Christians were paying for you. Prayer is one of life’s misteries and so glad we have that opportunity to do so whenever and whereever. I have 2 mantras I rely on when troubles come either emotionally, physically or spiritually: “GOD IS IN CONTROL” and “IT COULD BE WORSE”. Both are true and you are living proof.

  33. Marilu Howard says:

    Thank you for not deleting this timely post. I am too on a journey to see what really do they see there in my initial mammograms. A week from tomorrow we take more tests. Strong prayer warrior here and indeed praying for your complete and miraculous healing. A hedge of protection over you and your family and call out evil from even being near you or them. The authority is given that we will strike him with our heal! God bless and keep you. Don’t ever let the Devil steal your joy – you are a daughter of the Mighty King. Thank you for share with us your heart.

  34. Jan Stojanovic says:

    Hannah, I share and understand all you have been going thru. I’ve survived thyroid cancer and was later diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer in 2014. I was in remission for 3 yrs and it returned in another location in my abdomen. One more chemo & surgery to go to achieve remission again. I have a 15 yr old grandson, my only grandchild. It is my hope & prayer is that the Good Lord will allow me to see him graduate, go on to college and get much older. I just read your biopsy was benign ~ prayers have been answered! Continued good health to you & the members of your family. I’m sure you are cherishing everyday you have been blessed with. Prayers will continue for your good health and much happiness. Live your life in the best way possible knowing everyone who has read your post will be in your corner for a very long time. Be well and God Bless.

    • Hannah Hathaway says:

      Jan! Wow. Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. My heart hurst for you so bad! Stay strong. You are in my prayers. Every day is a gift, and every breath I breath I pray that I can live the life God wants me to. Thank you & lots of hugs from me to you!

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